Dear John,
I know I said I couldn’t live without you. I know I was the one to find the voudoun priestess. But really, I think it was the shock and grief talking. Honestly, I couldn’t stand picking up your dirty underwear and wet towels. How did I possibly think I could handle the bits of body parts that you leave all over the place? I’d happily deal with the smell of those nasty cigars over the rotten, reeking stench that permeates the house now. I actually miss slaving over the deplorably greasy food you insisted on eating. I can’t cook for you anymore. It’s not even cooking! I’m sure the neighbors have begun to realize their juvenile delinquents didn’t all just run away. We haven't had a decent conversation since you lost your tongue. And our sex life...
You’re not the man I married.
It’s over.
I'm sorry.
Sincerely,
Mary
Hilarious story for the Halloween spirit!
ReplyDeleteLaughed aloud at the juvenile delinquent line. :)
Now how to get rid of him?
Well done!
and the sex life... that made me cringe... amidst shaking with laughter... hehehe
ReplyDeleteI love it. You go girl
ReplyDeleteWe may get what we want, but it's not always what we need. She certainly found that out. Good story!
ReplyDeleteHilarious and gruesomely delicious.
ReplyDeleteAs a John who has left wet towels on the floor and hopes to one day roam the earth as an undead scoundrel, I understand and support your decision. Please try to be out of the house before supper. I eat out of grief.
ReplyDeleteHeehee! Perfect story for Halloween. ;)
ReplyDelete*Snort* Loved this :)
ReplyDeleteGruesomely funny! Thanks for visiting my blog!
ReplyDeleteI love it, Laura! :)
ReplyDeleteWow! I had to read it again after I got what was happening. Creepy and very well done!
ReplyDeleteGreat bit of Halloween fun. Well done, there was a documentary on UK telly last night about Zombies and if it was possible. What was perhaps the scariest part was about LA, I didn't realise that they had to pump thier water over the mountains and if that goes down 12 million are pretty scuppered.
ReplyDeleteThat's quite funny!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad everyone's enjoying it!
ReplyDelete@Gareth - LA has an interesting situation going. I hadn't realized all their water came from over the mountains. Scary.
Living with a zombie can be so hard... Great little story.
ReplyDeleteKari @ The Best Place By The Fire
'We haven't had a decent conversation since you lost your tongue'- funny! Actually, hilarious. I love the tone of her letter, the matter of fact way she is dealing with this. It really made me laugh.
ReplyDeleteOh, my. Very cool!
ReplyDeleteHA! Too funny. Married with Zombie.
ReplyDeleteyeah, great halloween humour. :D
ReplyDeleteNow that's my kind of woman LOL
ReplyDeleteGreat creepy story, and the ultimate Dear John letter.
LOl, that made me laugh. Though, I cringed on reading about their sex life. :P
ReplyDeleteNicely done!
Ew! I love it!
ReplyDelete